| | i have this weird disease i think...
sometimes i'll just suddenly for no apparent reason just become incredibly uncomfortable around a friend or a group of people. of course they feel the weird vibe too and i really have no idea why i end up feeling this way sometimes.
it's weird cuz in my head i'll be like, 'i like this person' or 'i like these group of people' but for some weird reason, i just can't act normal around them or be relaxed around them. i can't look them in the eye or listen to them normally and there becomes this weird vibe between us. i'll always be distinctly aware of their presence and where they are in relation to me and sometimes i'll try to compensate by being over friendly, over nice, or haha, overly close physically in order to try to make things better.
i'm working on it b/c i know i do miss out on a lot of friendships because of it... and it's just so fucking awkward sometimes... but i think at this point in my life, i've just learned to accept it as it is and move on... i guess, if that's another lost potential friendship than ohwell, so be it...
honestly... i think it comes from a lifetime of your "friends" around you literally telling you that you're weird or of an inferior type... and of course they don't know that the people who they put down is who you are and so there is more of a hint of authenticity in what they feel versus if they knew and they masked their words.
so i'm really grateful for the few friends i have that i feel close and comfortable with.
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| | Posted 2/21/2008 1:50 AM - 90 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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