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i guess to the two people who read my uber depressing mid 20's crisis blog last week.
i just need to realize that my life is good.
i remember way back when during my very last (and i do mean VERY LAST) christian retreat on catalina island, the one where i seriously considered jumping off the pier and swimming way off into the ocean, the object of my misery, mr. sexy gorgeous, and his friends kayaked several miles to the nearby city for god knows what reason.
i still had inferiority issues and thought that mr. sexy gorgeous and co. was so fucking amazing because he was sexy and gorgeous and accomplished and i felt so bad about myself for basically not being able to do that with my friends.
haha.
instead, i decided to just enjoy the island by itself and prove that i didn't need to accomplish amazing things to appreciate life. so i really started noticing that there were some pretty gosh darn beautiful cherry blossoms on the island... i even woke up earlier than everyone else one morning to just go to the seaside and listen to the waves crashing, and i imagined in my head what it would be like to be deaf and suddenly able to hear the sounds of the waves by closing my ears for a few minutes and then uncovering them and... wow, it was a surprisingly sensuous amazing experience.
recently, i kinda wrote off my experience four years ago as just self-righteous emo, but i realize now that i was actually headed in the right direction.
yeah. my life isn't where i want it to be and there's so much more i want from life.
but i really appreciate the time i spend with my family. yeah, my parents annoy me sometimes, but at least they're there, and i know that one day, when they aren't anymore, i'm going to miss them more than any hookup or weekend spent partying or x amount of money i all could have achieved in this year.
and yeah, so i don't have a steady job and not much money and people probably all think i'm lazy, i'm a slacker, or i'm doing nothing with my life... but, just being able to sleep, to wake up in the morning and have all the time to pray and meditate and read and dream has been a great luxury, changed my perspective on more than a few things, and hopefully will set the foundations for a healthier mindset for the rest of my life.
i know God said that he would never put us through anything that he couldn't get some good from.
i believe that.
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| | Posted 4/2/2008 3:24 AM - 41 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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